Don't Panic

Since my son's diagnosis with CF I've contemplated writing a book. So, I've started writing out my thoughts and experiences. Here's my first entry:
No one should start a conversation with the words "Don't panic." As my dad would say, that's like telling someone to look at a white wall and not think of a polar bear. The first thing you'll think of is a polar bear. So, naturally the first thing you do is panic.

Less than a week after my son was born our doctor called to tell us that his newborn screen was abnormal..."but don't panic," she said. I had never heard of cystic fibrosis, so I didn't. I did what I always do--I went to my computer and googled it. After reading everything I could find online, I was confident we had nothing to panic about. My son showed absolutely no signs or symptoms of CF.
We scheduled a second newborn screen. It was maybe a day or so later when they contacted us to say the second screen was also abnormal. His doctor was confident that it was a mistake--my son was gaining weight quickly, and showed absolutely no signs of CF. However, they thought it was wise that we journey to the local Children's Hospital for further testing.

Our visit to the Children's Hospital was long and frustrating. "Why do we have to do this? We know he's fine. Why are we putting our little sweet baby through this?" I kept saying these things over and over. Even after seeing our baby, the CF Specialist said that there was no way that he had CF--he was just too healthy (and BIG).

The next day I received this call "Tamara, it's Scott." I sat in silence. Who the crap is Scott, I thought. Obviously the silence made it clear I had no idea who Scott was, because the doctor continued to introduce himself.
"Your son has CF," Scott said it bluntly, without warning or hesitation in the slightest. More silence on my end. He proceeded to give me information, to firmly and gently instruct me on the next steps we were to take. All I heard was rushing wind. I remember looking down at my now 2 month old baby, who was nursing. A tear went down my cheek. I think I said over and over "I have to go. I have to call my husband." The doctor gave me his direct line, and made me promise to call him right back.

Thus began the whirlwind journey of becoming a mom of a kid with CF. Since then we've had many calls that always begin "Don't panic." Yep, now I always panic.

A Day In the Life of...

This is a recent e-mail I sent to a friend of mine who also works at home. It made me laugh, even as I was writing it. This is really what has gone on today.

Brahms? The New Yorker?
Yeah, my working at home looks more like:
Up at 6 a.m., feed the baby, baby down for nap. Work for an hour. Get the toddler up & have breakfast. Decide whether or not I should risk a shower while a 2-year old is awake. Decide I don't stink THAT bad, so I go work while the toddler "colors."
Baby starts to scream--yep, no real nap happening today. Toddler wants to wear boots & no pants outside. Yep, it's time for an outing. One more sniff to make sure I don't stink that bad & off to run errands we go (with everyone wearing pants).
Stop at post office to mail a return for a $74 nursing bra, that yeah, wasn't worth $74. As I'm trying to figure out the "automated" machine--toddler whispers "pee." Oh, crap. Wouldn't you know--our post office DOESN'T HAVE A PUBLIC BATHROOM. Where are our tax dollars going?!?!?!
Crap. (Note to self to stop saying "crap" or toddler is going to learn a bad habit from mommy.) Okay, finish this automated thing--promise the toddler a cookie if he can hold it. Slap the label on--hope it's going to the right place. Run at break neck speed to the car, all the while begging the two-year-old to not pee on his car seat...again.
Okay, stop at the Starbucks where Daddy works--who opens the door thinking we're there to "surprise" him. HA. I scream "Potty, NOW!" Daddy takes toddler to potty. Mommy collapses with the baby on the comfy chair for two seconds of "quiet."
Toddler made it!! Hooray! He gets a cookie--okay, so technically it was pumpkin bread, but he's happy & we're off again.
A few more errands, and back home to feed the baby. This time a nap is successful! Back to work while toddler plays outside. I say to myself "Wow, it's nice outside, self. Why aren't I working outside?" So, out I go to enjoy the weather, watch my boy play, and "work." Daddy comes home. Hallelujah--I get a shower!
Lunch time, another baby feeding, and kids both down for the BIG nap of the day. Now, I'm back at my desk, answering emails to you two Ya-hoos. ;) The babes will be up in an hour & then it's time for dinner--Roast Chicken and Risotto. Bedtime for the babes, 30 minutes of quiet time with the hubby, and it's time for me to finally stop for the day.
Somehow, I'm able to get in a full 8-hour work day, AND care for two kiddos....oh, crap (crap, I said crap again)...that's the baby awake again. Here we go...